“Playing dress-up begins at age five and never truly ends.” —Kate Spade
Have you ever been so proud of yourself for something you accomplished, that you can’t believe you actually did it??
Now it’s not on the level of having my daughter, but it’s high up there! It may seem like a minor ting to someone else but I could care less. All the steps I take bring me closer to where I want to be. It feels good to have started to do things I enjoy. That being said check out the link below!!
Anyone that knows me at least a teensy bit will realise I love a lil thrifting and I’m definitely into fashion. Big shout out to Bermemes for the opportunity though for real for real!!
When I hear the word ‘fashion’ I immediately think of clothing and fabrics of all different colours and prints and textures. I think of all the possible outfits I could create. Putting together an outfit is my work of art. Clothing is where I show my creativity the most. I still play dress up and I love putting together different outfits just for the fun of it.
I have always loved fashion from young. I’m an 80’s baby so I definitely owned the Fashion Plates toy. I even wanted to be a fashion designer. Not sure I’ve even told anyone that, but yeah, I did. I did go through a tom boyish stage, however my love for fashion has been everlasting.
I would actually love to be a stylist or image consultant if that was possible. I mean I know it is, but if I had to work for free, that’s something I would gladly do. Now, I’d also love to own my own boutique and charity shop/thrift store and I intend on that dream becoming a reality! Fashion is a passion that I have never really shared until now. I’ve always wanted to blog about it for quite some time. I mean, I’ve had my WordPress account for about 7 years now and I’m finally utilizing it. Better late than never yeah?
So anywho, welcome to my fashion and style world!! I’m going to come out of my shell. I feel like I was a quiet fashionista so now it’s time to get a lil louder. Why be quiet about something you love?!
car·pe di·em – used to urge someone to make the most of the present time and give little thought to the future.
Carpe Diem. Seize the day.
So many of us say this, but how many of us actually do this?? Well this chick right here is seizing her day. I am taking FULL advantage of each day that I am gifted (I’m trying to anyway lol!!) But seriously though. I am a 34 year old, single mother of a beautiful daughter and I have no time to waste. It took me a while, but I’m ready to do what I love. I’m ready to walk in my purpose. I’m ready to build my empire.
When my daughter gets older, she will know that anything is possible, no matter the circumstances. I will be her Wonder Woman. Her example of a strong, independent woman that may have made mistakes in life and stumbled here and there, but a woman that grew and evolved. A woman who recognized her worth and knows that she is a queen. Women are the bearers of life! We are royalty!! It’s time we go for what’s ours. Milahn, my daughter, will know this. She will understand this. She will watch her mommy build an empire for us. So that being said, I realised that if I’m going to accomplish my goals, a change needs to first happen within. I need to have my mind right. I have to let go of negative thoughts and behaviour, self doubt and insecurities. I especially need to love myself and that entails letting go of anything that will not help me to prosper. Whether it’s bad habits or bad company I need to let it go. I need to respect myself and make wise decisions. I have a daughter now and I refuse to set a bad example.
I told myself if I’m going to build an empire I need to start now. Now when I say empire, I’m referring to me accomplishing my goals and getting to my desired level of success. I always thought I would need a better job, make more money etc, etc to accomplish my goals. But that is not the case!
I was in church this past weekend and the sermon was about focus, time and working with what you have. You see, we have to constantly remain focused and recognise that we can’t waste time doing things that don’t relate to where we’re trying to go. If you want to be a great footballer, you’re not going to spend precious time playing basketball when you could be doing football drills would you? You also would not spend a whole lot of time around people that don’t understand or respect that you’re trying to accomplish certain things. Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. (ESV) You need good people and like minded people around you. People that actually care, who will listen to you and encourage you. But they will also give you constructive criticism and they will tell you the things you need to hear, not what you want to hear.
You also need to work with what you have. One cannot master more if he cannot master less. I used to be guilty of this and now I understand perfectly. How can I want that promotion yet I don’t even fully understand the work I’m currently doing?? So keeping these things in mind, I am taking full advantage of the things that I have and I’m going to master the level I’m at now until I’m able to get to a next level. I’ll share with you one of my goals so you may understand a bit better.
You may or may not know, but I’m a YouTuber. I started my channel in 2013 and I wasn’t really sure at first what I was going to do with it. Now I have my vision and my plan. I won’t divulge the details just yet, but I want to get a good following on YouTube and really build my channel up.
This is a YouTube play button award. The silver is for YouTubers that have 100,000 subscribers and I am going to get one of these. I am DETERMINED and I know I can do it. At present I have 120 subscribers and that excites me. I don’t have the pretty backgrounds and all of the best equipment, but I have a great camera. A Canon which is great for creating videos and I have an iPhone that I can use to vlog, as well as my iMac to edit my videos on. I don’t have a tripod yet so I improvise. I have a start. It’s all about working with what I have and being able to come up with original content, creating videos, editing them and being consistent. I’m trying to find the balance to do all of this though. Because I’m a new mother, it’s a little harder since I live alone. I’m looking for a new job as well so I have to utilise my time wisely, especially once I’m back to work full time.
As I write this, my daughter is currently napping and I’m hoping to finish before she wakes. I have laundry to fold and my hair needs to be done, plus I have other things that need to be done for my YouTube channel. All of this I need to master and I will. I refuse to make excuses and I refuse to give up. Each day that comes, I will make continuous strides towards my empire. My daughter deserves a head start, and this she will get!
As you may know, I was living in London for a year and some months. When I became pregnant I actually didn’t intend on coming back to Bermuda for a few years. My partner, who is also Bermudian, had no real intentions of leaving London either.
I figured I would come home when my daughter was maybe 4 or 5 years old. I didn’t want to separate father and child, but as my pregnancy went on something changed.
London wasn’t home. It was ok for me, a 30 something seeking adventure, but for my baby, no. Quality of life in London was ok as well. We lived in a really nice flat and comfortable area. The hospital and doctor’s office was very close by. The High St was not even a minute away and the bus and train links were excellent.
Thing is, I wanted her to experience what we had coming up as kids. I wanted her to be able to have a yard to play in and to feel the sunlight on her little toes. I wouldn’t have to go far so she can play in the ocean and build little sand castles on the pink sandy beaches.
She would get to see the Gombeys and eat snowballs, and enjoy what island life has to offer. More importantly though, she would get to be around family.
I discussed with my child’s father my feelings and concerns regarding staying and raising our daughter in London. Financially it would have been pretty difficult even though we were both working. I am not one to want to live off of benefits, so I was not trying to go that route. In Bermuda, the cost of living is very high, however you can make a very good wage. You may struggle, but the struggle is much easier compared to the struggles of London.
Then it came down to our support systems. We had little to no family and very little friends in London. Our mothers would have to fly out for the birth and I can say with no hesitation, I would have been depressed when they left, had we stayed in London.
I have to say he was super understanding and agreed it was best for us to return to Bermuda. I was soooo frickin relieved after that. I knew I would miss London, but having my first child in Bermuda became a no brainer. Once the decision was made, my pregnancy became really real after that. I was getting more excited and couldn’t wait to be back home.
I knew there would be much sacrifice and we were taking a leap of faith, but we both stepped out on faith when we left Bermuda and we were able to survive in London. Coming back to Bermuda would be easy as it’s home and so far so good.
I was hoping to be temping upon my return, however that didn’t work out as planned. I’m not used to not working so it did get me down a bit, however the free time has enabled me to work on my YouTube channel as well as my blogs. Now my due date is fast approaching so no work for me until February/March. It hasn’t always been easy, but I have the support of my family and friends and it has been greatly appreciated.
I suppose you could say coming home was one of the first major decisions I made as a mother and I truly have no regrets.
So…. I know the year is almost over, but how was your New Years? Mine sucked. I actually started off 2015 crying. Crying for various reasons. Bawling like a baby. Well maybe not bawling, but I was as sad as sad can be.
It was my first time living away from home and my family. I was feeling very lonely and was upset about my life in a nutshell. It wasn’t going along as planned; my simple yet awesome plan of just being bloody awesome.
Well as we all know life has a sense of humor…. Things don’t always go according to plan. Life does not care how great of a plan you have, nor how meticulous you was creating this exquisite plan.
So even though I ended 2014 in tears, I promised myself it wouldn’t start with more tears. I decided 2015 would be great. It would be effin epic and to do that I needed to let go of the things that had me in tears. I needed to let go of any insecurities I had and I needed to accept the things I could not change. It was time for me to take charge. I had goals and ambitions, so why the hell was I letting ‘stuff’ get me down.
Now it wasn’t easy. I had to write myself notes and set myself reminders. I had to remind myself that I am a queen and to always keep my chin up, head high. I knew what direction I wanted my life to go in and I was determined to get there. I also kept a diary of sorts. It was my way of releasing my raw feelings. I’ve actually kept a video diary in the past (I still use it.) and have found this very useful. It’s amazing to look back at yourself and see the raw emotion of happiness, sadness, excitement etc… You can look back and see how far you have come, or how far you may have back tracked.
So here I was, on a mission. I wanted to land a great job working in the city in London. I wanted to forget about guys (lol you know there’s always a guy in the mix) and not be concerned about being single at 33 years old. You know when a female is over 30 and single with no kids, it can play on your mind. Not all women obviously, but for me it definitely did.
I was going to start blogging and focus on my YouTube channel. I had plans, goals and I even had them written down on my vision board, so I can be reminded on a daily basis.
So fast forward a bit to February/March. I had a master plan. I know I know. Nothing goes according to plan and yes, I did get another reminder of this.
So I initiated the first part of my master plan. I decided to step out on faith and hand in my notice at my job. I was absolutely miserable there. Besides the work being mentally draining, the journey was stressful at times and it was costly to get there. So with no job lined up, I finished up work on a Friday and had an interview that following Monday. You see I was applying for soooo many jobs a day it was unreal and I figured, if I’m at home I could apply for loads more. At least 100 jobs a day minimum I applied for, and I did this everyday all day for two weeks. Then my leap of faith paid off. I was only out of work for two weeks and the first day of unemployment my flatmate had gotten a new job. It was perfect. The Lord’s timing is everything.
So I started working part time at a pharmacy, which will remain nameless. I was able to apply for work during the day and work at night. I enjoyed this because I was working near Trafaglar Square. I loved seeing the architecture and seeing the tourists on a daily basis. I even bumped into a Bermudian while at work, and an American tourist who has visited Bermuda for years.
Life was ok. No tears. No stress. My skin was clearing up. Oh!! Did I mention my skin had broken out due to stress?? My eyebrows had even shed!!! The stress had been showing when 2014 ended, but 2015 I was determined to tell stress to eff off.
So any who, I’m working at the pharmacy for a few weeks until one day I couldn’t get to work. I go to the cash point to take out some money to top up my oyster card. Well why the bloody hell does the machine keep my card?? So I go to the bank to see what’s happening, only to find out my bank account has been frozen!! I had no idea why and I was stuck. I couldn’t get to work. What’s worse is my employer wasn’t going to be paying me for another month. Have you ever heard of such??? Because they missed the payroll date I had to suffer?! They were taking a right piss I tell you!!
So now I must say, this was incredibly stressful for me. It wasn’t the end of the world but it felt like it to me. I couldn’t take out any money and I couldn’t get to work. Now, first let me tell you, the bank would not tell me why my account was frozen. They wouldn’t even apologize for any inconvenience. NOTHING. They told me I had to wait for a letter in the post. The post!!?? Now the bank was taking a right piss!! I will never forget, I went to the bank to see if I could get some answers and they again shut me down. I don’t know what came over me (actually I do now) but I sat there and cried in that bank. What was I going to do? I had no money, I couldn’t go to work and I had bills to pay. I felt like everything was going wrong. I left the bank, walked down the High St to our flat and as soon as I got home I cried and cried and cried. The ugly face, chest heaving crying. I cried some more when my flatmate came home. This was the most damn crying I had done since New Years Eve.
So since I wasn’t able to get paid from work, I took a Saturday job doing flyering for one of my favourite stores on Brick Lane. I was able to open a new bank account elsewhere and one of my friends lent me some money, bless their sweet heart. Side note, I have the best family and friends ever. My flatmate is the best as well. He had my back to the utmost. We have been through the struggle and have made a great team. Funny how life prepares you for things and you don’t even realise it.
So back to Brick Lane. That was one of the most humbling experiences ever. You all know what ‘flyering’ is right? Flyering is when you hand out flyers, pamphlets etc, to advertise a promotion, concert, daily specials etc. Now in Bermuda, we don’t really do this. We will stick flyers on your cars, in clubs, in stores and whatnot. A promoter may hand them out at a football game. Welllllll!!! This sucked lol. I did it though. I tried to get people to take these flyers, to try and urge them to take one so they could partake in a nice lil discount. All I can say is people can be mean. They will look down on you like you’re dirt beneath their feet. Quite amusing really. If the role was reversed, I’m pretty sure they would appreciate more kindness. So it goes. Who feels it knows it.
After awhile I got tired of the flyering. I was hungry as hell and ready to go home, so I did just that. Off I went back to Sutton where I lived. I was anticipating getting some curry for my flatmate and I. But I forgot there was something I needed to get first.